Emotions are neither your friend nor your enemy – they are either your master or your servant. You either control them or they control you. YOU GET TO DECIDE.
High-value men transform their relationship with their emotions - instead of being ruled by them, he rules over them.
Here are SIX ways you can become a master of your emotions,
1) Differentiate Between Positive and Negative Emotions
Intense emotions are not bad. They make our lives exciting, unique, and vibrant. Strong feelings signify that you embrace life fully and that you are not repressing your natural reactions. It is good that you get pumped up when your team wins.
But at times our emotions can fly out of control and bite us on the ass. How do you know when you emotions are getting out of hand and leading to potentially negative consequences? Sometimes it is obvious that an emotion is negative – anger, emptiness, frustration, fear, guilt, loneliness, depression, resentment and jealousy. But most of us are not in touch with our emotions and we are not good at identifying how we are feeling.
Here are some markers to help to identify if your emotions are getting out of control.
they affect your interaction with others (like when you want to drive that shit driver off the road and into the ditch),
they cause trouble at work (like when you want to slam your bosses head into the elevator door),
you feel the need to make use of substances (drugs and alcohol) to manage your emotions,
you are prone to uncontrolled outbursts (like when your wife asks you to pass the salt, and you reply “you have ruined my whole fucking life’)
2) Aim for Regulation, Not Repression
Controlling your emotions means turning down the volume on them, not repressing them. On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being drilling a hole into you cranium and 1 being radio silence, you do not want to push them down to 1. You don't want to bottle them up, because if you do, one small event could cause all the shit to come flying out and you find yourself on the cover of Newsweek for opening fire at a Bon Jovi concert.
You want to dial the volume down to a 5 or 6. You can hear your emotions in the background but they are not pounding on your eardrums like a volcano.
WHEN SOMETHING PISSES YOU OFF:
-COUNT TO TEN
-HUM A TUNE
-TAKE A DEEP BREATHE
3) Write This Shit Down
If you had said this to me 5 years ago, I would have told you to shut the fuck up. Why do I need to write this stuff down? Then I discovered that there was incredible power in writing – it is organized thinking.
When you wake up in the morning, get into the habit of writing down EVERYTHING that is pissing you off. A client hasn’t paid you for two months or the small-minded bureaucratic idiot from the embassy did get back to you about your visa. By getting this in writing, you free up your bnandwidth to tackle the important tasks of the day.
4) Do Not Beat Yourself Up
That little voice inside your head can be ruthless. It does a pretty great job in reminding you about all the fuck ups you have made in the past:
-YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE WRITTEN THAT EMAIL TELLING THE WHOLE 3RD FLOOR THAT YOUR BOSS WAS A DICK
-YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE DATED THAT PSYCHOPATH FROM HUMAN RESOURCES
We are always fucking up because we are greedy, shallow, vain, lustful, immature; and our self-hatred tends to grow. You need to work on a more holistic and objective answer.
You are human and you are going to fuck up. You never have perfect information before making that decision to marry the stripper from Vegas. You never know the economy is going to perform before changing your job, Visibility of the future is never great. There are landmines everywhere. You are going to make hasty, impulsive and stu,pid decisions. Forgive yourself and move on.
5) Stress is a Killer - Keep it as Far Away from You as Possible
The best way to handle stress is to do everything possible to be in the headspace that it does not affect you as badly. Here are three ways to tame stress:
High quality Zs – check your mattress. Part of the reason you are not getting high quality sleep is because you are sleeping on a shit mattress.
Exercise – fills your body with endorphins and gives you a natural high.
Get social – isolation causes you to retreat into your head and fixate on all that is wrong with you. Getting out with positive people helps to relax and de-stress.
6) Speak to Someone
If you had told me this five years ago, I would have told you to fuck off! The goal of Million Man is to build a tribe of like-minded men to whom you can talk. Speak to another man about what you are going through – get it off your chest. Do not speak to your partner - especially if your partner is a woman. Women do not want you to get all emotional. There is a time and place for everything, but this is not one of them.
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