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Four Ways to Spot Emotional Immaturity

Updated: Sep 16




Being clueless and immature when you are 18 is perfectly ok, but if you are still this way at 35, people will not be as thrilled with you. Peter Pan never grew up. He sacrifices the opportunity to have a relationship with Wendy and has to content himself with Tinkerbell (a fairy that does not really exist - in other words, porn). There is a sacrificial element to maturity. You need to assume responsibilities and find purpose, and this leads to happiness and fulfillment.


Here are four ways to spot emotional immaturity.


1) You Hate Being Alone

Being alone sucks. There is a reason why solitary confinement is torture and not a reward. When I got divorced for the second time and my daughter moved to the other side of the planet, I remember coming home after taking her to the airport. I stepped into this big empty house. I looked at my watch and thought – it's midday, and she will be back from school at 5. Then I realized – fuck! No, she won't be back. I was engulfed with an overwhelming sense of sadness. The reason people don’t like being alone is that they are emotionally immature. They do not know who they are – they do not know how to feel their own feelings. I was 49 and I didn’t have a fucking clue who I was.


2) You Don’t Remember Much about your Childhood

Very few people had a happy childhood. This means that many people don’t want to go back there and process what happened. I forced myself to go back there and confront my demons, but I didn’t stop at my childhood – I also had to process shit from my adulthood. In my experience, the best way to process this shit was to write about it. I wrote down my life story – I discovered lots of great stuff, but also a lot of shit that I am trying to work through. This painful process has helped me discover more happiness in my life, and greater emotional maturity - although there is still a shitload of work to do.


3) You Don’t Like to Ask Uncomfortable Questions

Why did my second marriage fail? What do I regret most from my childhood? There is no fun in addressing these issues, but they need to be addressed. These are two questions I have been running away from. My approach is to keep myself as busy as possible – working, surfing, riding my Harley, hanging out with friends, having sex, and sleeping. I could not run forever – and trust me, I tried. In those dark hours when you are lying awake if you have any sense of self-awareness, you need to step up and answer. Some people can run forever – not me!


4) You are Always in a Good Mood

I am in a good mood most time, but I often get pissed off. People who are always shiny and happy do not have the resources to handle anything deeper or darker. This sugar-coated life is not real or meaningful – it is shallow and empty.


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