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Should You Stay or Should You Go?

Should I stay or should I go now

If I go there will be trouble

And if I stay it will be double

So you gotta let me know

Should I stay or should I go?

The Clash

In the old days, the social pressure of staying in a marriage was immense. Now that most countries are secular, and there is a strict separation between church and state, the legal and social impediment of divorce has been removed. I am twice divorced, and I can confirm that society does not give a damn. Psychologists say that if children are involved, they are better off in a broken family than in an unhappy one. Given that two of the biggest obstacles to divorce have been removed, the only factor of importance that remains is how the couple feels.

When I went through my second divorce, I had to ask myself the following question: how much of my unhappiness is related to my partner, and how much is related to my own generic unhappiness that I would find in any relationship? There is a general amount of unhappiness that arises after living in close proximity with another person for a long period of time. The 2020 Covid lockdown forced many couples (me included) into close confinement and it is easy to start to blame the other person. What you need to do is realize this is not a situation of black and white -there is a large amount of grey. What percentage of the blame could be apportioned to me on account of the fact I am not a very easy person to live with?

So, here are quick guidelines you can use to assist in making this life-changing decision. 1) how much of your unhappiness can be attributed to your partner?

2) what portion of the blame can be apportioned to you?

3) consider all the annoying traits of all your previous partners you have had

4) ascertain how many sexually available and attractive people are out there

5) try to have another conversation with your partner where you calmly explain how you feel and how you have been saddened by numerous things

6) reflect on how you as a child would react to potentially having two new stepparents and a bunch of new half/step-siblings

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