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What Women Really Want....

Updated: Mar 4

Over the last 100 years, we have made phenomenal progress in the area of women's rights. The pill has given women control over their reproductive cycles, divorce has lost its stigma, forced marriage has been outlawed, and domestic violence and stalking - crimes overwhelmingly perpetrated against women - are finally taken seriously in both the law and media. Notwithstanding all these advances, one thing that has not changed is their biological DNA and their continued sense of physical and emotional vulnerability. If you filled a room with an equal number of men and women, and asked who felt their life had been in danger in the past month, a few men and all the women would raise their hands. If you shortened that to a week, most men would lower their hands and all the women would keep their hands raised. Women are physically more vulnerable than men. The act of a woman arriving early at the office, parking her car, and walking toward the elevator is one filled with anxiety. What happens if a sexual predator is lurking behind a pillar? Most men tend to be oblivious to the ever-present danger that women face on a daily basis, and part of the reason for this oblivion is that men are buying into the toxic feminist narrative that women do not need men. Portions of the narrative are true. Women now outnumber men in the U.S. college-educated labor force. Many women are postponing or canceling altogether, plans to have a family in favour of pursuing their careers. In the sexual marketplace, the phrase “I don't need a man, but would like a man” is becoming more mainstream. The problem with all these advancements in women's rights is that women's underlying biological DNA has not changed. The one thing about evolution that people fail to understand is that changes take place over millennia, not over decades and centuries. Women in the 21st century essentially have the same DNA as the hunter-gatherers that existed thousands of years ago, when women were exposed to greater physical risks than men. Sure, men would go out and hunt for food, and be exposed to wild animals that could rip their heads off, but women were subject to a more sustained and less sporadic portfolio of risks - finding the right seed for her offspring, seeing her pregnancy to term, running the risk of death in childbirth, and then the challenges of keeping her children alive and healthy until they could fend for themselves. She looks for a mate that could act as a risk mitigant to all these dangers. Women are hypergamous - they look for a mate on the same socioeconomic level or higher. They look for men who are physically attractive and healthy because this will lead to healthy offspring. They look for men that are tall and in shape because they provide physical protection.

So what happens in romantic relationships? This need to feel safe still exists and is not affected by whether or not she has children. Her primal needs are intact, but this is where it gets tricky. Modern feminism has prohibited women from being vulnerable. They are led to believe they are entitled to everything - a fulfilling career, a happy relationship, and most importantly a life of empowerment and happiness that is the fruit of their hard labor and in spite of the evils of the male-dominated hierarchy. They are told that intersexual relationships are a zero-sum game - in order for women to advance, men need to lose. So what happens in the sexual marketplace? Man meets woman, the woman tells the man that she doesn't need him, but likes having him around. The man is not quite sure how to deal with this strong successful woman, so jumps onto YouTube and the algorithm starts pushing him videos about the manosphere, alpha male, how nice guys finish last, and how women like the bad boy. Pretty soon the man loses sight of her primal need to be kept safe and feel protected. The relationship lasts a few months, maybe even a few years. The man continues with his alpha bullshit, giving her the space he thinks she needs and manages his contribution in the relationship. All the while, the woman is leaving breadcrumbs for the man. She is dropping hints about how she misses him, and how she wants to spend more time with him. He is oblivious to these clues. The most important thing women look for in a relationship is trustworthiness. You can think of trustworthiness as an insurance policy against the fear she is constantly feeling. The way to build trust is to understand the fears, needs, desires and objectives of the other person. The way you do that is to watch them, listen to them, see them and understand them. If you do not understand a woman’s need to be kept safe, she will never be able to trust you to protect her from you, and from the outside world. If you go away every second weekend on a fishing trip with your friends, and leave her alone at home, she will quickly come to the conclusion that you are not attuned to her needs.

This is where it gets ugly. If a man repeatedly fails to act in the best interests of his wife, girlfriend, or partner; trust will erode in the relationship. She will not feel safe, and she will start to take her safety into her own hands, and by safety, I am not only talking about physical safety, but also about emotional safety. The man not only is not able to provide physical safety, but by continuing the relationship, she is placing her emotional safety at risk. Her self-preservation instincts will kick in, and this is where the relationship passes the point of no return. The man, by not being attuned to his partner's needs, is under the misguided impression that everything is fine until they sit down and have the conversation: something has shifted and I do not know how to fix it. By this point, she has turned off all feelings for you. Her caveman DNA has completely overtaken her emotions, and she has moved on to hunt for the next mate. While this is happening, the man is dumbstruck. He thought everything was going fine. He was playing out his alpha male role of being slightly aloof and mysterious, not realizing this may work to enhance initial attraction, but is a disastrous long-term strategy because it leaves the women feeling vulnerable and unsafe. He runs through all the good times they had - the sex, the intimacy, the weekends away, the romantic dinners, and wonders what the fuck went wrong. She seemed fine. We never fought. She never complained. What the hell happened to our perfect relationship? Has she found another man? Did I not satisfy her in bed? All those extra sessions in the gym to work on my pecs, does she not realize what a fine specimen of a human being I am? The man then doubles down and decides to go all in on the relationship. He offers everything he thinks she wants - financial security, and emotional stability. He proposes they move in together, and maybe think about getting married. She asks him why he was not all in from the beginning. He holds onto the thought that maybe she will come around to his way of thinking and there could be a reconciliation, but he could not be more wrong. She has checked out emotionally, and physically. This relationship is dead and will never be resuscitated.

So what is the lesson from all this? Men need to learn to differentiate between what women say and what women do. What they say tends to be guided by social norms, politeness, political correctness, and a general desire to avoid confrontation. Men are more inclined to approach problems head on while women are more inclined to avoid conflict. For a man that is lacking in self-awareness and empathy, this is problematic. It means that his partner may encounter problems in the relationship but choose to avoid mentioning them. The fact she does not verbalize them doesn't matter. She will manifest them non-verbally in the things she does. She may withdraw affection and sex. Men mistakenly believe they are using sex as a weapon to get what they want. This is not always the case. If the woman does not feel safe around you, trusts you, or attuned to you, that emotional connection they need in order to perform sex is lacking. The reaction of most men to this is: how the hell am I supposed to read her mind? The answer to this is simple: you don't need to be a mind reader, you only need to understand her biological DNA. There is a long-standing joke that men know nothing about women. In 1939, Winston Churchill defined Russia as "a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma." Most men would argue that women are no different. This may have been a valid excuse before the Internet democratized information. Today we live in a world where there is so much information about women - their motivations, their needs, and their proclivities. We know more about their sexual fantasies, their sexual preferences, what they look for in a mate, and most importantly what they need to be happy in their romantic relationships. The only thing that men need to do is have the basic curiosity to do the research and find the answers for themselves.

So what do men need to do in order to make their women feel safe? The answer is simple - be men! The challenge with this is that again we bump heads with the radical feminists who say that masculinity is toxic. There is no denying that toxic masculinity does exist on the fringes of society. I am talking about the man who returns from a long day at the factory, doesn't like what his wife prepared for dinner and starts swinging. I am not condoning that behaviour - it is reprehensible and those animals should be buried underneath the prison. The majority of men are not toxic, but they are starting to doubt that. Traditional masculine traits are strength, courage, independence, leadership, and assertiveness. If men want to maintain a long-term romantic relationship, they need to focus on strengthening these traits.


You need to have the confidence to walk into any room, and know you could kill everyone in that room (if you had to) or at least the speed to make a hasty exit. This requires physical strength - so get outdoors, or into the gym and work on your physical strength. No woman is going to feel safe next to a man with zero muscle tone who spends his life on a couch playing video games and jerking off to porn. Learn to use your hands to fix stuff. Know how to change a flat tire, start a fire, unblock a drain - there is a reason women fantasize about men with a toolbelt! Courage

Bravery has nothing to do with being fearless - it is about acting in the face of fear. Courage is part of our caveman DNA. We are biologically designed to run into burning buildings and to storm the beaches in Normandy. This does not mean you shouild go out and look for a fight, but when you are in the movies, and the idiot behind you is conducting a running commentary, stand up, turn around, and politely ask him to shut the fuck up.


Many men get this one wrong, because it does require some finesse. There is no woman in the world that wants a needy man that demands constant affirmation or affection to get through the day. On the other end of the spectrum, most women are not going into a long term relationship with a man whom is emotionally detached. Men need to find a balance between the two. When your girl says she misses you, resist the urge to deliver the alpha male response of glossing over her vulnerability and telling her how he is busy ripping out the intestines of the deer her has just shot. She is being vulnerable, and it is your job to comfort her at this time of vulnerability. If you repeatedly choose to ignore this vulnerability, she will slowly lose trust in yoiur ability to look after her best interests and the relationship will slowly die.


I am going to introduce you to the four most powerful words you can say to any woman: I’ve got this, babes. Women love men who take the lead. Let me give you a few examples of when you can use this magic phrase: when the bill arrives, when the headlight on her car needs replacing, when she comes home stressed from work and promised to cook you dinner, when her car needs to be taken for a service. Let me also explain what leadership is not. It is not your obligation to try and fix her problems. When she comes back from a girls weekend away, and wnats to vent about what one of her friends did, it is part of the male DNA to try and fix the problem. She is not looking for a solution. She needs someone to listen to her. So sit back, listen attentively, and every couple of minutes, use another powerful four word phrase: that bitch is crazy! Assertiveness

Assertiveness is the ability to communicate what you want or need in a clear and powerful manner while at the same time respecting the needs of your partner. By being assertive, you build self confidence and leadership. It also leads to a decline in stress and anxiety becuase you are able to chart a clear path for the future. It makes you courageous and more equipped to meet the challenges and risks that lie ahead. It makes you a powerful communicator, which in turn leaves no doubt to those around you of your intentions. Assertiveness wil help you get what you need, because many of us make the incorrect assumption that other people know what we need.


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